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June 23
If it is as the old Jesuit motto says ('give me a child until he is seven and I will give you the man'), I am seriously beginning to wonder what kind of nightmares plagued Reece Shearsmith and Steve Pemberton in their formative years.
Alongside Mark Gatiss and Jeremy Dyson, they were responsible for The League Of Gentlemen, the cult BBC comedy fave that specialised in the blackest of humours. Set in the enclosed world of Royston Vasey (the real name of crude northern comic Roy Chubby Brown), the audience was presented with a series of weird, eccentric and downright demented characters who looked like they'd been interbreeding since Queen Victoria was on the throne. For all its nightmarish imagery though, The League of Gentlemen was comic genius. Albeit, an acquired taste.
Trying to move on from something that iconic was never going to be easy. So Reece and Steve haven't moved on; they've merely moved location. Welcome to Psychoville and a set of characters (mostly played by the two men) that includes: an ebay-obsessed scary blind man, a twisted midwife (Dawn French, superbly cast) who treats a baby doll like a real baby, a telekinetic dwarf who's in love with his panto Snow White, an incestuous mother and son with a fondness for serial killers (shades of Tubbs and Edward) and, my favourite so far, Mr Jelly - the bitter one-handed clown and children's entertainer (shades of Papa Lazarou).
The first Psychoville gag was also the opening episode's funniest: dark lighting, flickering candlelight and a gloved hand scratching away at yellowed paper with a quill. The black-bordered letters are put inside envelopes and then fastened with a wax seal, bearing the stamp of a raven. All of a sudden you hear: "Cashier number three please". There's light and we're in a present day post office. The figure in black skulks away and a lady in the queue observes: "'E's left his candle." Brilliant.
The correspondence, saying 'I know what you did', is sent to each of the protagonists who are somehow linked. We'll just have to wait and see what the nefarious deed turns out to be.
Psychoville swings all-too-easily between black comedy, sick comedy and comedy of the grotesque. Admittedly the humour here isn't as consistent as it was in The League of Gentlemen; there were quite a few laugh-free moments. Then again, maybe I just was too grossed-out to laugh in places. Reece Shearsmith and Steve Pemberton have taken the phrase 'profoundly disturbing' and made it their own. If you're freaked out by a mother scratching her eczema-riddled son's back just before she fiddles with his trousers in an inappropriate way or dwarf porn, this isn't for you. It will test your mind and your funny bone - but it will also test your stomach.
Today I am mostly lovin' - The return of The Wire to BBC2. We are now into season 3 of this excellent series and if you want to catch-up, tune into digital channel FX for season 2.
Today I am mostly hatin' - I love House. For me, Hugh Laurie can do no wrong; he is beyond superlative in this show. But I am getting increasingly annoyed at the amount of screen time devoted to Olivia Wilde. I don't care how hot she looks, the actress (who plays 13) has the charisma of a paper bag. She couldn't act her way out of one either.
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June 08
 Guys, apologies. I've been so busy with all the reality TV stuff that I've neglected this blog for a week or two. Anyway, I'll plough on before X Factor starts! My Sunday calm was completely and utterly devastated after checking my e-mails. My sister, who works at the Beeb, broke the news that Margaret Mountford, one of Sir Alan Sugar's Apprentice sidekicks, is leaving the show. The 56-year-old wants to concentrate on her academic studies of ancient Egyptian manuscripts. How completely and utterly Margaret is that?!
Ms Mountford reminds me of a primary school teacher whom I absolutely adored and respected; matronly, clever, will brook no nonsense, intuitive... I wonder if they still make 'em like that these days? Sir Alan's eyes and ears, alongside the equally wonderful Nick Hewer, she reported back to her boss on how Apprentice contestants did in their tasks. Speaking about the series, she said: "I have really enjoyed making The Apprentice and it was a very hard decision to say goodbye. But I am working on a Ph.D in Papyrology and I would like to concentrate on finishing this before I need a Zimmer frame to get on the platform to receive it. It has been an amazing experience, and certainly not one that I will ever forget."
Margaret first met Sir Alan in the 1980s when she was hired to advise him on legal issues with his firm Amstrad. Born and brought up in Holywood, Northern Ireland, she says her background aided her career progression, because "coming from Northern Ireland gives you a lot of basic level-headedness and stands you in very good stead." She was educated at Girton College, Cambridge, before becoming a solicitor in private practice. Margaret was a partner at Herbert Smith, a top-tier legal firm; it was at this time she met Sir Alan Sugar while she was doing legal work for Amstrad's flotation on the Stock Exchange.
After retiring in 1999, Margaret took up her current role on the Amstrad board as a non-executive Director. Although never officially employed by Sir Alan, they have worked together on projects for over 20 years.
When The Apprentice first aired on BBC2 way back in 2005, few could've foreseen what a ratings juggernaut it would become. Last night's final, for example, peaked at over 10 million viewers. At first, Margaret and Nick were bit players, but as their caustic witticisms increasingly made the cut, their cult status grew and so did their TV presence. I shall miss Margaret's idiosyncrasies; her eye-rolling heavenwards, complete with an air of disdain, that fearsome, withering stare, her cutting tone of disapproval and the way she projected sheer disbelief that human beings could be so stupid.
Today I even found myself wondering who would win a stare-off between the formidable Margaret Mountford and the Iron Lady herself at her peak, Margaret Thatcher... I can't decide. But I tell ya what, not many men would win that one.
The MSN Apprentice Awards 2009
I'm handing out the MSN Awards for The Apprentice 2009. A selection of the 'winners' follows but you can see the full results here in our gallery.
The 'Gordon Brown Air Of Doom' Award goes to… Anita Shah.
From the moment the camera picked her out, complete with that hangdog expression, you just knew she'd be in the firing line.
The 'Sam Fox and Mick Fleetwood Worst Presentation' Award goes to… Empire's Olympic theme.
In week two, it was all Greek to us as the lads opted for an Olympic theme for the catering task. Foods originating from participating countries included peanut butter sandwiches (representing the USA) which was served to top City of London professionals by hairy men in tacky togas. "I look like I've just escaped from a mental hospital!" joked Majid Nagra. Quite.
The 'I Was Narcissus In A Former Life' Award goes to… Ben Clarke.
How does he love himself? Let him count the ways. Is anyone really surprised at Noorul Choudhury's claim that Ben wants to pose naked for Heat magazine with just a rugby ball covering his bits?
Today I am mostly lovin' - House and Hugh Laurie. Thank you Sky1 for picking up the show after Five dropped it. Two episodes a week too!
Today I am mostly hatin' - On a related theme, for the life of me I just can't understand why this excellent show, featuring a much-loved British actor, isn't a bigger UK hit. By the way Wossy, that was a really so-so interview with Hugh broadcast last Friday. Did the best bits end up on the cutting room floor?
MSN Editor Coops Share It
May 19
It had to happen really. Little Britain's Matt Lucas has become the latest star to capitalise on the massive interest in Britain's Got Talent's Susan Boyle, by impersonating her for Heat magazine. I turned the page of The Mirror, caught the picture and laughed my a**e off. Funniest thing he's done for ages if you ask me...
However I'm convinced that years from now, we'll look back on the entire Susan Boyle phenomenon and ask ourselves, how did that happen?
It's not the first time people have happily clambered on the wave of a phenomenon and ridden it for all its worth. I've been there: I wore tight zip-leg stonewashed jeans in the 80s; I thought about nicking a VW badge off a car; I bought my sister a Cabbage Patch Doll; I answered my phone with 'waaasssssssup!' in the early noughties. But this Susan Boyle thing has totally passed me by. I'm watching it all with both amazement and bemusement.
Her Britain's Got Talent audition (I Dreamed A Dream from the musical Les Misèrables) is now one of YouTube's most popular videos ever. She has been featured on American news networks (no mean feat as our cousins over the sea rarely report on anything or anyone that doesn't directly affect them, aside from conflicts in the Middle East); US talkshow host Jay Leno has paid tribute to her by donning a wig and performing on his show; her celebrity fans include Demi Moore, her husband Ashton Kutcher and Jon Bon Jovi; she's been on Larry King Live and Oprah and an American fan has even made a Susan Boyle doll for sale... I kid you not.
Robbie Williams tried to crack America for years with no luck. But a 48-year-old virgin goes on a British talent show and easily trumps him. She is a bona fide global phenomenon. For now. Then again, so were A Flock of Seagulls and l never remember that I've forgotten them until E-Friends repeats the flashback episode with Chandler sporting a Flock of Seagulls haircut (The One With All The Thanksgivings).
What next for Susan Boyle? Maybe she'll do us all a favour and stand for Parliament.
MSN's Britain's Got Talent special: fun features and galleries
What's our blogger saying about Britain's Got Talent? Find out here
Today I am mostly lovin' - Question Time. No less than 3.8 million viewers tuned in between 10.40pm and 11.40pm last Thursday to watch the audience vent their anger over the issue of expenses and our greedy, grasping, grubby MPs. It was splendid viewing - loved watching Labour's Margaret Beckett, Tory Theresa May and the Lib Dems' Sir Menzies Cambell squirm. Give 'em hell if you're in the audience this Thursday. As Citizen Smith memorably proclaimed: "Power to the people!"
Today I am mostly hatin' - Those Vodaphone 'If I Ruled The World' adverts are doing my head in.
MSN Editor Coops
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May 07  Followers of this blog may be aware that, personally, my favourite reality show is The Apprentice. So far, I've conducted interviews with all of the fired Apprentice candidates. During which, I got Anita Shah to admit to "a natural frown"; Rocky Andrews to label Philip and Kate's liaison as "a bit Big Brother for me"; Majid to cite James peeing his pants as a reason he wasn't fired. In addition, there's Paula Jones calling Ben Clarke "a thug"; Kimberly Davis blasting Lorraine Tighe as "a Judas" and Noorul revealing that Ben would love to "pose naked on the cover of Heat with a rugby ball in front of his crotch."
But Philip Taylor, the John Terry look-alike, is the one that got away. Having apparently exchanged bodily fluids with Nicole Appleton look-alike Kate Walsh, the profile of the one-time bookies' favourite has soared. Add that to Pants Man, the excruciatingly bad cereal marketing campaign (for a cereal called Wake Up Call? Truly pants, man), and you've got a no-show. I was informed by the PR company rep that there'd be no interview with MSN this week; very little information was forthcoming. Hence, I've deduced the following - either the geezer playing tonsil-tennis with hard-nosed blonde Kate couldn't face dealing with pants questions or he's hooked up with some kind of tabloid/celeb rag exclusive.
From the moment he did that stooooooooopid Pants Man dance in the pitch, I was desperate to get my hands on him (figuratively speaking, of course). Bah humbug! What a great way of avoiding awkward, sticky questions too...or is it? Y'see, I thought I'd have a little fun imagining how the Pants Man himself might've responded had I been able to interview him.
Fake Apprentice Interview
Me: Pants Man, what's it gonna take to get you to admit that Pants Man was a rubbish idea?
Pants Man: I still think it's the iPod of cereal marketing.
Me: On The Apprentice, you came across as an extremely modest, unassuming and self-deprecating guy...
Pants Man: Well, that's because I'm a good-looking lad. I can sell better than Lorraine, I've got a better body than Lorraine, I dress better than her and I've got thinner eyebrows too. Have you seen them things on her? She could sweep the streets with 'em.
Me: You don't think much of Lorraine, did you?
Pants Man: What's given you that idea, like?
Me: In the boardroom, you seemed convinced that Sir Alan Sugar had it in for you.
Pants Man: Call it an instinct. That's what Lorraine would say anyway.
Me: Can you give us a blast of the Pants Man song again?
Pants Man: Watch this go top of the pops: "At the start of the day, everybody knows, without your Wake Up Call you put your pants over your clothes! So before you put your pants on and get out of your bed, eat a bowl of Wake Up Call and let the pants between your head. It has apples, bananas, cranberries too; an ABC of fruits we have selected just for you! Memory focus and energy hooray! Eat a bowl of Wake Up Call and put your pants on the right waaaaaaay!" I did that in one take - even Bono couldn't do better. I'm better looking than him too.
Me: Was that a tear we saw as you exited the boardroom?
Pants Man: It wasn't a tear. It was a manly tear. The kind footballers do. Ask John Terry about manly tears.
Me: Finally, do you still think you were the right man for the Apprentice job?
Pants Man: Of course I do. I've got bigger balls than Lorraine - that's for sure.
Me: Thanks Pants Man, good luck.
Pants Man: Thanks MSN. And don't forget, eat a bowl of Wake Up Call and put your pants on the right waaaaaaay!
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Today I am mostly lovin' - Chelsea 1 Barcelona 1 - nuff said.  Hello to my Spurs-supporting mate FamousEccles! Hope all's good with you and your health. I'll be answering you via e-mail soon.
Today I am mostly hatin' - The axing of The South Bank Show; inevitable as Lord Bragg is departing. It's a real shame that ITV has lost one of its few treasures dedicated to the arts.
Noticeboard - Channel 4 and ChildLine have launched an online-only entertainment show – created for young people and by young people. If you'd like to get involved, you'll find more information about this here at Headspace.
MSN Editor Coops April 26
By Stuart Bak, guest blogger and MSN TV columnist
Once again, the cream of the British television industry (and host Graham Norton) are gathering for the annual telly Baftas at London's Royal Festival Hall. Taking a well-earned break from blitzing zombies in Resident Evil 5, I, Stuart Bak, will be your guide to all of this evening's winners, losers, and wardrobe malfunctions. Will BBC Four drama Hancock and Joan do the hat-trick? Can June Brown scoop best actress gong for the brilliant kitchen sink drama of her Enders one-hander? And will The Apprentice right the ludicrous wrong of being beaten by Top Gear in 2008's National Television Awards? Join me here live at 8pm to find out...
8.00
And we're off... Hang on... Harry Enfield has been nominated for a Bafta? Is this the Bafta Television Awards 2009, or the Bafta Television Awards 1986?
8.04
Graham Norton cracks a few jokes. A single tumbleweed bounces past June Brown's feet. He's nothing if not reliable. Reliably unfunny, that is.
8.08
2008's best bits. What, no 'Lily Allen and Friends'?
8.10
Philip Glenister: presumably not nominated for his role in ITV's Demons, here to present the award for best drama series. The smart money's on Wallander.
8.12
And the winner is... Wallander. Well-deserved, I reckon - the best and bleakest Scandinavian cop drama starring Kenneth Branagh that I've ever seen. Probably.
8.16
Adrian Chiles: quite literally never off the telly. And the Bafta for best factual series goes to Amazon with Bruce Parry. Real-life action man Ross Kemp was robbed. I wish someone would stick Phil Mitchell in a war zone with nothing but a flak jacket and tin helmet for protection.
8.22
TV Burp gets the biggest laugh of the night so far, but is pipped to the best entertainment programme gong by the ever-worsening X Factor, a show now comprised entirely of sob stories, with about 12 seconds of 'music' thrown in for good measure. I can't even remember who won it last year. Answers on a postcard please.
8.25
A TV genre so far from my heart it may as well not exist: sport. Even Gary Lineker looks bored. And the winner is... ITV's F1 Brazilian Grand Prix coverage. Yawn.
8.29
I've just noticed Graham Norton's jacket. Insane.
8.32
Best continuing drama (i.e. soap). What, no Coronation Street? Is there some sort of conspiracy going on here?
8.33
Best continuing drama: The Bill. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Have the telly Baftas finally jumped the shark? Leave your comments below...
8.35
News coverage award now. I don't watch the news anymore. Far too depressing. Blah blah, we're all going to be trading with magic beans this time next year, blah blah blah.
8.37
It goes to News At Ten for their coverage of the Chinese earthquake. World's most tedious man makes world's most tedious speech.
8.40
"The nation's favourite music presenter?" Jools Holland? Speak for yourself, Norton. Jools is presenting best entertainment performance.
8.43
The nation's second favourite TV commentator, Harry Hill, scoops the award for best entertainment performance. And his speech gets the second biggest laugh of the night. By rights he should be presenting this whole show.
8.47
A surprise win for White Girl in the best single drama category. My money was on Hancock and Joan. Another tenner down the drain then. I though he said he was going to keep his speech short.
8.50
The state of British comedy today. Genuinely appalling. Oh for pity's sake: Harry Enfield and Paul Whitehouse have actually won. Next they'll be telling us they're giving the Academy Fellowship to Dawn French and Jennifer Saunders...
8.55
Jon Snow gets through his introduction to the specialist factual series showreel without fluffing a single line. Or wearing a silly tie. Will wonders never cease? A token win for David Attenborough's Life In Cold Blood. Proof, if proof were needed, that we'll never tire of watching footage of turtles having sex.
9.06
The post-9pm slump, and the catchily named 'features' category is won by The Choir: Boys Don't Sing. The award is collected by a chap who looks like he wants to be David Tennant when he grows up.
9.09
Potty humour from 'rising comedian' Michael McIntyre ("Hands up if you want to pee"). Not funny, not funny at all.
9.12
Best situation comedy: The IT Crowd. Somebody's having a laugh. But not, presumably, anyone who's ever actually watched it.
9.14
Last year's best actor winner, Andrew Garfield, to present the drama serial award. Expect to see him back next year to pick up a gong for Channel 4's Red Riding trilogy: officially the best thing on telly so far in 2009. FACT. And the Bafta goes to BBC1's Criminal Justice which was, admittedly, pretty good, though less fun than Charlie Brooker's Big Brother zombie-fest Dead Set.
9.19
That jacket gets more ludicrous the longer I look at it.
9.23
A very long advert for BBC drama. Clever.
9.30
The Bafta for best single documentary goes to The Chosen. To my eternal shame, I didn't see any of the four nominated programmes. Probably too busy watching Big Brother. I'm so low-brow I make Peter Andre look like Harold Pinter.
9.35
The Philips Audience Award now, the only award voted for entirely by the Great British Public. Go on, vote Wallander and do yourselves proud.
9.36
Nope, the winner is terrible teen sex-fest Skins. Presumably the only people voting were 12-year-olds who think Hollyoaks is a quality drama or grown men who've memorised the Pete Townsend defence...
9.40
The award for best comedy performance goes to the ubiquitous David Mitchell for Peep Show. He might at least have cracked a joke or two during his speech.
9.42
Jimmy Nesbitt takes the stage to present the Bafta for best actress. And completely misses the irony, presumably. This one surely goes to the wonderful Maxine Peake for Hancock and Joan...
9.43
Wrong again, it's Anna Maxwell Martin for Poppy Shakespeare. The bookies must be rubbing their hands together with glee right about now.
9.48
And the Bafta for best actor goes to... Stephen Dillane for Channel 4's The Shooting of Thomas Hurndall. Ken Stott looks suitably unimpressed. So, that's it: not a single Bafta for BBC Four's Hancock and Joan. An absolute travesty, in my humble opinion.
9.51
Final award of the night (phew) is the highest of all Bafta accolades: the Fellowship award. It goes to "the greatest female comedy double act in the history of British television": Dawn French and Jennifer Saunders. Doesn't say much for British female comedy double acts, does it?
9.53
French and Saunders. "Trailblazers"? Really, Dame Helen? "A legacy of brilliant work." What, even The Vicar of Dibley?
9.59
A standing ovation for French and Saunders (oh well, each to their own). Montage of awards the BBC couldn't be bothered to show includes Mad Men winning best international show over The Wire. I give up. All that remains is for me to thanks my editors, producers, readers, parents, and next-door-neighbour's dog. Thank you, thank you, and thank you again. Did you agree with the Bafta judges' decisions? Or, like me, do you think Hancock and Joan was robbed. Leave your comments below. Until next year...
By Stuart Bak, guest blogger and MSN TV columnist
Winners In Full:
Best actor - Stephen Dillane - The Shooting of Thomas Hurndall (Channel 4)
Best actress - Anna Maxwell Martin - Poppy Shakespeare (Channel 4)
Best entertainment performance - Harry Hill - Harry Hill's TV Burp (ITV1)
Best comedy performance - David Mitchell - Peep Show (Channel 4)
Best single drama - White Girl (BBC Two)
Best drama serial - Criminal Justice (BBC One)
Best drama series - Wallander (BBC One)
Best continuing drama - The Bill (ITV1)
Best factual series - Amazon with Bruce Parry (BBC Two)
Best entertainment programme - The X Factor (ITV1)
Best situation comedy - The IT Crowd (Channel 4)
Best comedy programme - Harry and Paul (BBC One)
Best single documentary - Chosen (Channel 4)
Best feature - The Choir: Boys Don't Sing (BBC Two)
Best international show - Mad Men (BBC Four)
Best specialist factual - Life in Cold Blood (BBC One)
Best current affairs - Saving Africa's Witch Children - Dispatches (Channel 4)
Best news coverage - News at Ten - Chinese Earthquake (ITV1)
Best sport - ITV1 F1: Brazilian Grand Prix (ITV1)
Best interactivity - Embarrassing Bodies Online (Channel 4)
Audience award - Skins
Special Award - Jane Tranter
Bafta Fellowship - French and Saunders
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