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9月24日 Leave Tom and Jerry Alone!Years ago, I watched Judy Garland and Mickey Rooney in a rarely seen today 1941 Busby Berkeley musical called Babes On Broadway. As always, they were kids putting on a show. The big finale is a minstrel number with the two stars singing in blackface. I remember two things: how strange they both looked blacked up like that and how much I enjoyed Judy Garland's rendition of Waiting For The Robert. E. Lee (for years I thought it was called 'See Dem Shufflin' Along'). I didn't think about that film again until years later in 2000 when I reviewed Spike Lee's Bamboozled.
As far as I'm concerned, there's only one reason to see Spike's somewhat muddled film: the thought-provoking, disturbing montage right at the end. It features the worst stereotypes of black people from movies, TV shows and cartoons: bug-eyed, big lipped, ants-in-pants, nappy-haired, watermelon-eating, cannibalistic savages who shuffled, sang, jived and danced. These images were taken from Hollywood classics such as The Birth Of A Nation, The Jazz Singer, Gone With The Wind etc. and also Ub Iwerks' cartoon Little Black Sambo, Walter Lantz's cartoon Scrub Me Mama With A Boogie Beat, the Merrie Melodies short All This And Rabbit Stew (featuring Bugs Bunny) and Tom and Jerry, among others.
I mentioned in one of my previous entries that I have no plans to dispose of my VHS Tom and Jerry cartoons due to the fact that the DVD releases have fallen victim to political correctness: they're cut to shreds. No blackface, no blatant ethnic stereotyping, no original voice for Mammy Two Shoes (the female black character famous for shouting "Taaaaaaaaaaamas!"). This much-loved character has been de-Mammy-fied courtesy of a new voice and correct grammar ("This" instead of "Dis" etc). Soon, there'll be no cartoon characters smoking either. When America's Supreme Court declared racism unconstitutional in 1954, the studios were under pressure - this explains the Tom and Jerry cartoons of the mid 1950s featuring the pair living with a white woman/couple rather than Mammy Two Shoes. In addition, it accounts for why fans may come across two versions of the same cartoon: the 1940s Fred Quimby-produced shorts with Mammy Two Shoes and an exact copy made without her by Chuck Jones' team in the 1950s. Carelessness led to instances of anomalies: my Chuck Jones version of Saturday Evening Puss, for example, has the white character with the black southern Mammy Two Shoes voice originally provided by Lillian Randolph.
Today, measures are even more stringent and only dubbed/edited versions of cartoon greats can be seen on kids channels such as The Cartoon Network and Boomerang. Fair enough - the audience is made up of kids. However, my blood boils whenever I contemplate the hatchet job that is Tom and Jerry on DVD. I have spent years searching for the original version of Saturday Evening Puss (now only available for view on a certain video sharing site) to no avail. And yet, when the Looney Tunes collection got a DVD release, the cartoons were uncut. Whoopi Goldberg provided an introduction to the set explaining why some of the ethnic gags are no longer appropriate. She also correctly states that removing them would falsify both the history of animation and also, American culture. The mind boggles as to why Tom and Jerry didn't receive similar treatment.
While I am prepared to watch black people bug eyes, shuffle and chow down on watermelons etc whenever I watch movies from a certain period of time, I vehemently object to doing so in these supposedly enlightened days. That's why I was one of the thousands who complained to the Advertising Standards Authority about Cadbury Schweppes' Trident chewing gum advert. I'm talking about the one featuring a black minstrel-like character's faux-Caribbean accented cry of "Mastication for de nation!" Insensitive in the extreme, it was rightly axed.
However, ask me if I want Gone With The Wind or Imitation Of Life (the 1934 version) butchered. Ask me if cartoons like Tex Avery's Uncle Tom's Bungalow and Fritz Freleng's Jungle Jitters should be banned forever. My answer is an emphatic 'no'. Unpleasant as they undoubtedly are, these Hollywood stereotypes (largely by white and Jewish Americans) must be viewed within the context of their era. I wouldn't expect a child to understand that - but I'd certainly expect an adult to. So Ted Turner et al, give us the choice and give us back our cartoons in their original condition on DVD. In the words of Derek 'Del Boy' Trotter: you know it makes sense.
Today I am mostly lovin' - Marcool for writing in and putting me out of my misery. The song used on the Sure Biorhythm advert is My Life by Elmo. Cheers mate!
Today I am mostly hatin' - I'm an Arsenal fan; we're top of the table, Spurs are in the bottom three, Moaninho has gone - what's to hate aside from the fact that the season can't end right now?
MSN Editor Coops 9月17日 Hugh Laurie Wuz Robbed
But long before viewers get a chance to slate so-and-so's dress, E! had their interminable, and interminably vacuous, Countdown To The Red Carpet show. To be clear, this isn't Live From The Red Carpet where celebs are interviewed as they arrive. It's the utterly pointless show that precedes it. And, as there are no celebs to harass and ask stupid questions (such as, "How do you stay so thin?"), it's all about conjecture: what will this person be wearing? Who will they arrive with? Who will win an Emmy? How will they style their hair? Who will they thank in their acceptance speech? Only in America... All that time to fill, so little content to fill it with. That's why viewers are subjected, ad infinitum, to something like this: Queer Eye For The Straight Guy's Carson Kressley in a white tux (he looked like he was going to his school prom) pontificating about various make-up/shoes/accessories etc the stars will probably wear. It all got terribly QVC when he demonstrated some of the products on one of the presenters (not sure why, but he was very nervous throughout the telecast). Then there's a cut to another correspondent who tells her fellow correspondent that she looks "lovely". The fellow correspondent reciprocates - and this is repeated throughout the broadcast whenever they hand over to someone else ("Over to you Sal. And may I say how lovely you're looking?"). There's some inane chatter and a small Emmy-related clip is introduced before it's back to the red carpet and Carson showing the watching millions how to apply this year's hottest eco-friendly foundation. Hour after hour of insincere perfect (straight, white) smiles, flattery, sycophancy and boundless enthusiasm - watching this pap is guaranteed to give you a newfound appreciation for Natasha Kaplinsky. And so to the ceremony itself which was hosted by Ryan Seacrest, a familiar name and face to fans of American Idol in this country. For anyone unaware of this TV/radio presenter, he's probably making plans for world domination as I speak. He's so ubiquitous, he makes Fearne Cotton seem like a fresh face. Emmys 2007 got off to a hilarious start with a song and dance number by Family Guy's Stewie and Brian in which they took the mickey out of some of primetime TV's most popular shows. It was downhill from there as, inevitably, elements of this live show just didn't work: the Shrine Auditorium's in-the-round stage ensured guests in certain seats watched the backs of Emmy recipients all night; Broadway show The Jersey Boys' tribute to The Sopranos was an embarrassment (whose terrible idea was that?) and the writer of Ryan Seacrest's opening monologue should never work again. Too many of his so-called gags were deader than Rik Waller's career. However, welcome surprises included Prime Suspect taking home a couple of gongs (including one for a stunning Helen Mirren) and Ricky Gervais winning Best Actor (Comedy) for Extras. Queen Latifah introduced the tribute to Roots which rightly received a standing ovation in its 30th anniversary year. As her speech pointed out, it redefined the idea of whose stories could be told on TV. Veteran actress Elaine Stritch lost it completely as she struggled to see the autocue during her presenting duties: "I'm not faking this. I really don't know what the hell I'm doing," she said as the attendees burst out laughing. Don't ask me how her co-presenter Stanley Tucci kept his composure, but this incident is a perfect illustration of why I watch live telecasts of awards ceremonies. Finally - the 'they wuz robbed' moan. The Sopranos left the auditorium with far fewer gongs than it deserved. Considering that this is easily one of the most influential, superbly-written (and acted) TV programmes of all time, it's a disgrace that its haul is so low (relatively speaking). In addition, Best Actor in a drama series should've gone to Hugh Laurie instead of James Spader. Or even, James Gandolfini. I love those two guys but Hugh Laurie's performance in House deserves the highest recognition his peers can bestow on him. How many American actors could come here, create a compelling anti-hero with a limp, spout all that medial speak and do it with a convincing English accent to boot? I rest my case. If Hugh Laurie doesn't win next year, I'm'o git Medieval on their ass. Today I am mostly lovin' - My beloved Arsenal. Boys, you still waste too many chances in front of goal and at times, the defending would make George Graham tear out what remains of his hair. But Spurs were taught a footballing lesson and I'm on cloud nine! Today I am mostly hatin' - The fact that I still don't know what that fab dance music track is on the Sure biorhythm advert. It sounds like Basement Jaxx. Is it? Someone put me out of my misery please! MSN Editor Coops 9月10日 A Trip Down VHS LaneDoes anyone remember their first VCR? I do. We rented it from Granada and it was a right clunk-click-every-trip job: no remote control, no on-screen programming, no longplay. It was a top loader too; incredibly handy for seeing how much tape was left on the videocassette (I often went down to the wire, trying to squeeze just one more episode of Cheers onto an E-180). I was devastated when top loaders were replaced by front loaders - especially the day when my luck (and the tape) finally ran out (for the record, a Cheers episode entitled Showdown, part 1). I even remember the very first thing taped: it was a Level 42 song called The Sun Goes Down (Living It Up) and it was from Channel 4's classic pop show, The Tube. Memories.
Fast forward to today and it's all about space. That's the issue. Space for a video collection started 24 years ago. Family members keep threatening to call the House Doctor's Ann Maurice or the BBC's Life Laundry show. I protest vehemently at the latter. I do not have unresolved emotional issues (often found to be at the heart of the worst examples of clutter on that programme); I just do not have enough space. In an ideal world, I'd win the lottery and buy a house big enough to devote an entire floor to home entertainment: a state of the art DVD Player, a Plasma Television, surround sound speakers etc. Unfortunately, reality bites. I have to finally confront the fact that I have hundreds of big, bulky videocassettes taking up valuable room.
Operation Tape Management will commence as follows: I will dispose of as many bought VHS tapes as possible (charity shops, here I come) with the exception of my two sets of original widescreen theatrical versions of Star Wars, my Arsenal collection, my Godfather boxset, my Tom and Jerry collection (the DVDs are cut to shreds due to political correctness. All the blackface/ethnic stereotyping/Mammy Two Shoes elements are missing and soon, the characters won't be smoking either) and finally, any VHS tapes that are either not available on DVD or are available on DVD, but not in their original form (try getting National Lampoon's Animal House on DVD with all the music featured in the theatrical release. No Wonderful World by Sam Cooke, no Theme From A Summer Place etc).
Much harder, and easily the bulk of the problem, are the cassettes with stuff taped off the telly. "Throw them out!" That's my mum's solution. Not awfully practical in these environmentally aware days. It puts me in mind of a line from the classic Talking Heads song Once In A Lifetime: "And you may ask yourself, well, how did I get here?" Answer: by not taping over anything I cherished and by acquiring American NTSC format tapes of US shows.
One set that will not be going is my Remington Steele collection. If only I'd taped Pierce Brosnan's early US hit off Bravo when they showed it in full back in 1997! Instead I have NTSC tapes that I cannot get rid of, or easily transfer to DVD, because they're from the original NBC run in America. And again, although the show is now available on DVD, some of the original music used isn't. Staying at Chez Coops for the exact same reason as Remington Steele is Beverly Hills 90210 (taped from Murdoch's Fox channel in the US). I've read waaaaaaaaaayyy too many negative Amazon customer reviews from fans lamenting the loss of key music on the DVDs. I hope to transfer some of my PAL collection to DVD: any tapes containing Cheers, Moonlighting, Just Good Friends, Arsenal stuff and fab music will be spared. I will have to go through every single cassette that I own - a daunting task. I really need that lottery win.
Today I am mostly lovin' - The Sopranos. Easily the best thing on TV at the moment.
Today I am mostly hatin' - My brain. It didn't immediately pick up on the fact that a picture in my Big Brother wrap party was incorrectly captioned. Luckily, I spotted the mistake 5 mins after publishing. Thank you to all the MSN users who wrote in to point this out. And yes, I did watch the show, I assure you.
 MSN Editor Coops 9月4日 August MailbagHello all,
And so goodbye to summer. Did it ever really begin? More rain to look forward to...cold...snow. Yuck. Anyway, the first blog entry of the new month isn't about what's coming, it's about looking back. I've perused all the feedback and mail sent in during August. Here's what you've been saying...
Big Brother 8 ended with Brian Belo crowned as winner. Our comprehensive coverage had it all - from galleries and quizzes to Kemal's video diary and opinion pieces. In one article, I argued that Big Brother Needs A Revamp. MSN user RunToTheHills disagreed: "Big Brother does not need a revamp. It needs to be cut!" A bit drastic RunToTheHills, surely? Big Brother has its detractors, however it also has a huge fanbase. OK, admittedly the past couple of series haven't been the best, but even on its bad days, I'd still take Big Brother over The X Factor.
Off the back of acclaimed American series Heroes, I compiled a list of some of the best US TV imports. I selected the likes of The Phil Silvers Show, The Sopranos, Cheers, Frasier and The Simpsons. Some MSN users insisted worthy contenders were left out. Ciam45 put in a shout for Will And Grace however, I'd argue that I was right to leave it off. A watchable sitcom, but nowhere near the likes of Cheers, Frasier or Friends. And Channel 4, the broadcaster premiering its final season, isn't even bothering to hide its derision. This sitcom has gone from Friday night prime time to a mid-week red-eye slot; on Thursday 13 September, a new episode of Will And Grace is scheduled for 12:15am. That speaks volumes...
MSN user The below is compulsory argues the case for Buffy The Vampire Slayer. "Some of the episodes were absolutely hilarious, like the musical one, and some episodes were truly touching like when Buffy's mother died. I have every season on DVD and I still laugh at every joke." I see where you're coming from The below is compulsory, unfortunately, I only had room for 20 shows and looking at my list again, the only one I'm wavering about is The A Team. However, I pity da fool who wasn't around to fully appreciate the impact when this show exploded across the world in 1983. Sometimes, often without realising, an article is penned that goes on to strike a chord with anyone who comes across it. After suffering yet another vomit-inducing instalment of The Jeremy Kyle Show, I vented my feelings in TV's Most Annoying. It sparked debate on the Talk Telly message board among a great deal of MSN users. Many felt compelled to point out the personalities they felt I'd missed: jls1973 - "I have never been one to post BUT on this topic I have such strong feelings that I was forced to put on my typing fingers. I am shocked and dismayed to see that the ever annoying Ruby wax is not featured at the very top of this list. If I even catch I glimpse of this woman I change channels. I hate that squeaky voice of hers and the way she thinks she is so 'All That' when in fact she is so 'Everything But All That.'"
pat71 - "How can you leave out Ainsley Harriott from a list of most annoying TV people?"
IOM Dave - "You seem to be missing the most irritating, unfunny 'Funny man' ever and that has to be Russell Brand."
grahame1501 - "I agree with the fatuous Fearne Cotton and the ghastly Gillian McKeith, but what about the appalling Davina McCall?"
Just a few examples. If you wish to see who gets up the nose of MSN users, check out the vastly entertaining thread here. However, there were some who felt I needed to be taken to task:
Triangulator - "In all honesty, ALL of the abovementioned television presenters put together could not possibly annoy me as much as this article has. I actually thought, after reading through Lorna's relentlessly obnoxious rants, that a significant number of people would share their disagreement in this topic. What a disappointment."
Barbs1110 - "Perhaps it's the author Lorna Cooper who is the annoying one. How rude of her to name all those people just because she has the power of the media to do so."
Triangulator and Barbs1110, I hear what you're saying. However, if people put themselves in the public eye, they must expect the eye of the public to turn on them at some point. In addition Barbs1110, I would add that thanks to the might of the internet, everyone and anyone with access to a computer has the power - not just me.
 On the other hand, there were MSN users who took it in the spirit intended. NickyNoodles wrote in to say: "What a fantastic list - made me laugh and laugh - all so true! However, the 'age' stuff about Jamie has to be the most annoying - I could take that 'green-age' and quite happily stuff it somewhere!" and me 3 sent an e-mail to say: "Brilliant article/bit in today's MSN. TV's Most Annoying - brilliant article! Had me in stitches by the end of it. I honestly could not agree more with what you said!" Glad it tickled your funny bone.
Talking of funny bone, I must mention this blog. One of my entries centred around On The Buses. Deemed a politically incorrect comedy in these oh-so-correct noughties days, its very absurdity got me chuckling a couple of times and I felt compelled to share. The final word goes to 'no name' who left the following: "ITV! Jesus what kinda of blind journalist are you! You cheap sun newspaper brainless piece of sludge! Get some awareness and stop writing like internet users are a bunch of right wing fools." Sir (or madam), how very dare you! A blind journalist brainless piece of sludge I may be, but I am not cheap!
I encourage you all to show me the error of my ways - as Dr Frasier Crane often said, I'm listening. That's it for this month as far as the mailbag is concerned; keep your comments, feedback and suggestions coming in. MSN Editor Coops 8月30日 Politically Incorrect...But Still FunnyFirstly, apologies. I've been so busy with Big Brother and The X Factor that I haven't had time to update my blog. However, you've all been perusing and leaving comments - so cheers for that. It's nice to see.
So one night, there I was surfing (as you do), when I came across a surprising find: On The Buses, now on the Men & Motors channel. Imagine my shock when I found myself laughing. Cheap, vulgar and misogynistic it may have been, with an over-reliance on saucy seaside postcard humour, but in these politically correct noughties days, it can boast making me laugh a couple of times. And that's no mean feat. Unlike the classic Steptoe And Son ("'Arrrrold!" "You dir....ty old man!"), it has dated horribly. It was aging even as it was broadcast during its original run from 1969-1973 - and yet, I found it all oddly endearing. Double decker buses! Glass milk bottles! Half pence coins! Smoking!
Besides, how could anyone dislike bus driver Stan Butler (played by the 50ish Reg Varney)? Stan is characterised by his horniness: desperate for the mini-skirted, busty, nubile women working in the depot (who always fancy him), it's not unusual to find him clocking off and keeping the passengers waiting while he has a bit of 'ow's yer father' with the chosen wench. The series made Reg Varney an unlikely sex symbol - only in this country could a man like Reg become an object of desire. Makes yer proud to be British, doesn't it?
Stan's best mate is his conductor, a right jack-the-lad called Jack with a hugely infectious laugh who says "Cor blimey" more times than Jodie Marsh has been Tangoed (has anyone ever seen her natural skin colour?). Our horny bus driver lives with his bingo-obsessed mum who loves him to death. In the same house resides plain sister Olive and her layabout, sponging husband Ar'fur. One character who must be mentioned is long-suffering bus Inspector 'Blakey' Blake; Stan and Jack delighted in making his life a misery, prompting weekly lip-quivering exclamations of "I'll get you Butler!" and "I 'ate you, Butler!"
I think the very absurdity of On The Buses is what tickled me the most: two middle-aged skirt-chasers (one with teeth Austin Powers would envy). Poor Olive, frequently slated by bitter, lazy husband Ar'fur. Mum, who feeds her son more stodge than yer average foie gras farmer gets into a goose (she wants her son married, but thinks nobody's good enough for him). The female conquests - who are either blind, or newly-released from prison. And finally, Blakey. Poor Blakey. Was there ever a more pathetic authority figure?
To put this daft programme into even starker perspective, it's as well to remember that it was around at the very same time as Monty Python's Flying Circus. And just a couple of years after the bus roared into the depot for the last time, John Cleese would go on to Fawlty Towers. But still, it got me chuckling which is more than I can say for the likes of 'Orrible, My Family, Dinner Ladies, Grown Ups, My Hero, Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps etc
Today I am mostly lovin' - BBC Four for repeating Spike Lee's searing documentary When The Levees Broke. Quality, quality television.
Today I am mostly hatin' - Everybody Hates Chris. Not the show - but that bloody Footloose promo! Flippin' 'eck Tucker! Hasn't the Paramount Comedy Channel got any staff these days? Change the bloody promo!
MSN Editor Coops 8月21日 US versus UKOur TV relationship with America may seem to be all one way traffic (their way), but good ol' Blighty has been known to provide fodder for the US Networks. Take the BBC's Till Death Us Do Part. Well, the Yanks certainly did. The 1960s/70s comedy classic featuring the iconic Alf Garnett was reworked in the US as All In The Family. Alf turned into Archie Bunker and Spinal Tap/When Harry Met Sally's Rob Reiner played the liberal son-in-law (played by Tony Blair's father-in-law Tony Booth in the British version). Very popular it was too.
Then there was Sanford and Son (a US 1970s version of our Steptoe and Son) starring comedy legend Redd Foxx, one of the men who inspired Richard Pryor. Two other acclaimed shows with American versions include Queer As Folk and The Office. Take a trip over the pond and you'll find the likes of: Celebrity Fit Club, Supernanny, What Not To Wear, Strictly Come Dancing (entitled Dancing With The Stars in the US), Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, Whose Line Is It Anyway?, Faking It and Wife Swap (Trading Spouses is the American version).
But it doesn't always work out. The US version of Cracker, starring the late character actor Robert Pastorelli, was less successful. That's what you get when you water down everything that makes Cracker so great in the first place. Also barely making an impact were the likes of Men Behaving Badly and The Ropers (based on George & Mildred). But doggone it, if our cousins aren't trying again. This time with a retooling of Life On Mars. Dublin-born, US-based actor Colm Meaney has been in final talks to star in the pilot episode. He'd take the role played by the brilliant Philip Glenister in the original BBC series. Irish actor Jason O'Mara has already signed up to take on the fantastic John Simm's character Sam Tyler, the modern-day detective who finds himself back in 1972.
I'd be very interested to watch the resulting US series and I really hope one of our channels picks it up. It is being produced by David E. Kelley, the man who gave us L.A. Law, Chicago Hope, Boston Legal and Ally McBeal, to name a few. The ABC network will screen it stateside, which doesn't bode well for the grittier elements so synonymous with Life On Mars. Will they allow 'good' characters to smoke? Will they screen the racial abuse of fellow police officers, in addition to that of criminals? Will there be misogyny? In other words, will they have the balls to do the show justice on Network TV? We'll see...I hope.
Got a comment or opinion? Leave one - I always answer back.
Today I am mostly lovin' - ITV4 for their reruns of The Professionals ("Cover me!"). Bodie and Doyle running around in their Capris, eyeing up the 'birds' and smashing the life out of their enemies. Why don't we make shows like this anymore?
Today I am mostly hatin' - The X Factor's inclusion of contestants who are clearly a sandwich or two short of a picnic. Uncomfortable viewing; who's selecting these people? 8月15日 The X Factor's X FactorI've just returned from the press launch for The X Factor. As is always the case with these things, the journalists were on time, the organisers weren't; it started later than originally stated. The venue was London's ritzy Mayfair Hotel where we were greeted by the lovely ladies at talkbackThames, one of the companies behind the show. Champagne, Bucks Fizz and various soft drinks kept us happy while we waited. Everyone was making quick surreptitious looks around the room to see if they recognised anybody and sure enough old faves like Boyd Hilton from Heat and Jacqui Stephen from everywhere (or so it seems) were in da house.
We were there to grill the judges but more importantly, we got a sneak press screening peek at the first X Factor show going out this Saturday at 7.40pm. As has been widely publicised, this year Simon Cowell and Sharon Osbourne are joined by Kylie's little (and less successful) sister Dannii Minogue and, returning to the series after his sacking and reinstatement, Louis Walsh. In the premier show, we also hear from an American geezer named Brian Friedman. He will put his experience as a dancer and choreographer to use styling the finalists' performances (he's worked with the likes of Britney and Mya). Dermot O'Leary takes over as The X Factor's new host, offering a shoulder for all those freaky rejects to cry on. And this change is definitely a welcome one as Kate Thornton got on my last nerve. This year, The X Factor's age limit drops to 14 so don't be too surprised if you see even more showbiz mums vicariously living out their dreams through their kids. Contestants will be split into Boys (14–24s), Girls (14–24s), 25 and Overs and Groups.
As soon as I downed my drink, I headed off to the screening room, eager to avoid the mad dash for seats. As expected, national press and magazines didn't have to worry about rushing their apparatifs as spaces were reserved for them. Us oiks (otherwise known as non-national press and magazines - and always web) were allocated the middle and back. The event was over-subscribed and the scramble to find seats delayed it all further. Eventually chairs were brought in from outside and we could begin.
Sharon Osbourne and Brian Friedman were absent, but the remaining show staples were introduced to us. First, the ubiquitous Fearne Cotton (the only TV show she's not presenting these days is the news) followed by the genial, bouncy Dermot O'Leary (does he have springs on his feet?). Dannii Minogue looked tanned and glam and provided a stark contrast to the pale, decidedly un-glamorous Louis Walsh (hugely cheered for some bizarre reason). Finally Simon Cowell, he of the square head, square hair and square chest, stepped into the room. He was followed a couple of seconds later by a massive, bald bodyguard who looked like an inflated, taller version of Dr Evil's Mini-Me. Simon Cowell was exactly as he is on all those talent shows he rakes in mega-dosh from. Unerringly so. I half expected him to turn to me and say something like, "Your mother doesn't love you if she's convinced you that you can sing."
And so to the show. An embargo prevents me from revealing too much. However, I can safely say that if you're an X Factor fan, you're in for a treat. Dermot O'Leary erases painful memories of Kate Thornton, but Brian Friedman is somewhat disadvantaged by the fact that nobody here knows him from Adam. Speaking personally, I do not have an Adam among my family, friends or acquaintances, but I still know my non-existant Adam better than The X Factor's Brian. The Louis and Simon double act feels as good as a comfortable old pair of slippers and Dannii Minogue isn't as bad as I thought she'd be (Shazzer is just Shazzer).
The audition stage has lost none of its compulsiveness - it's still the best part of The X Factor. London auditions were held at my beloved Arsenal's Emirates Stadium (ta very much for the funds Simon - we desperately need to reinforce our back line). Thousands of hopefuls squeezed into a tiny pocket of Islington; the only time I've seen more chavs in N7 is when we play Chelsea. There is still the familiar mixture of the sadly deluded, the crackpots, the tuneless, the sob stories, the auditionees who are clearly a sandwich or two short of a picnic, the 'what-the-hell-was-that?' freaks and the genuinely talented. Look out for a brother and sister act - hilarious! I can say no more than that. Two singers in particular stood out for the right reasons; one very young and one very unexpected. I definitely feel that the eventual winner may come from this first show - it was that strong an opener. The X Factor is sooooooo slickly produced and edited, you'll never have a better time having your emotions so shamelessly manipulated - laughter one minute, tears the next. In short, must-see television returns to Saturday night.
Looking forward to it? Dislike it intensely? Leave a comment here.
Today I am mostly lovin' - Virgin Media for buying some classic Brookside episodes and making them available on demand. "Our Damon", "Our Kid", shell-suits, "da bizzies", "da leccy", 'taches - ah, memories.
Today I am mostly hatin' - The Morrisons adverts with Denise Van Outen. If I hear her going on about fresh bread one more time, I'll tell them where to stick it...
MSN Editor Coops 8月8日 Mocking The Mockney"Bootiful!" It was the first word Jamie Oliver enthused on his new Channel 4 show Jamie At Home and it made me sigh. It was the kind of sigh you emit in the supermarket queue when you've unloaded a week's worth of shopping only to find that the till assistant needs to ring the bell for her manager. Y'see Jamie's new culinary adventure is a laid-back show extolling the virtues of fresh fruits and vegetables and every 30-minute episode will be devoted to one specific food. Last night was tomatoes.
So far, so what?
Yeah it was all mouth-watering and delicious and I've never seen tomatoes look so appetising and Jamie was showing us his lovely jubbly bubbly persona, but this isn't the Jamie Oliver I want to see anymore. I loved him on The Naked Chef, despite the Mockney-ness which made me want to slap him. And then he annoyed the you-know-what out of me with those bloomin' Sainsbury's ads...until Jamie's Chef. Talk about reinvention. Jamie became a social entrepreneur, training unemployed kids at his restaurant Fifteen and making utterly compelling TV at the same time. There was Jamie, almost driven mad by what he'd taken on - and it made me root for him with the kind of fervour I usually reserve for my beloved Arsenal. I wanted him to win so much. And he did.
Just when I thought he couldn't rise any higher in my estimation, along came his TV crusade, Jamie's School Dinners. The result? Not only brilliant, educational TV (my nephew hasn't eaten a turkey twizzler or chicken nugget at school since), but also an extra £280million plus from the government to be spent on better school meals. The Knighthood is probably on ice...
So Jamie's going 'Home' and his heavily publicised return to Channel 4 pulled in 2.4 million viewers, coming fourth in its 8pm slot. Jamie mate, save us from ourselves and leave this wussy stuff to foodie fan Tom Parker Bowles (he probably needs the work). Come on geezer, if you don't show us the error of our ways, who will? But don't worry - I'll continue to watch your new show, albeit with a heavy sigh.
A quick note to fans of new US show Dexter - FX is showing it all over again from the very first episode tomorrow. As someone who has tuned in, I highly recommend it. It's weirdly unnerving viewing though...
Today I am mostly lovin' - Sorry to keep saying this, but Heroes is sooooo cool!
Today I am mostly hatin' - The fact that Sky Movies screened David Cronenberg's classic The Fly in pan and scan mode. Even though I've seen it loadsa times, the revelatory scene where Seth finds out that he's Brundlefly was completely ruined because half the text on the computer was chopped off. Is this what I fork out a fortune for every month? How would you Sky Movies people feel if you bought a newspaper and could only read the middle of it? You yogurt tops. 8月6日 Ta-ra ChuckCoronation Street's Liz Dawn has spoken about her "devastating" decision to quit the soap and insisted: "I'll be Vera 'til the day I die." A lifelong smoker, she was diagnosed with lung disease emphysema five years ago. After thirty years of playing Vera Duckworth, her time is up as she's barely able to walk across the set.
"I always thought I would play Vera until my dying day - but now I just want to spend the rest of my days enjoying my life with my family," she told The Sun. She added: "I'll be Vera 'til the day I die and they'll put 'Ta-ra Chuck' on my tombstone." Her final scenes in the ITV1 soap will be screened in January. I'm still coming to terms with this dreadful news which is not only awful for Liz Dawn, her family and friends, but also for Corrie fans and the writers. Iconic soap characters like the Duckworths don't grow on trees and Coronation Street, currently going through a bit of a lull, needs every single one it can get. Such a shame the soap is also losing Cilla and Les Battersby - they would've been ideal replacements.
With very good reason, fans still speak reverently of the likes of: battleaxe Ena Sharples, snobby Annie Walker, brassy Elsie Tanner, saucy Bet Lynch, gossipy Hilda Ogden (and her layabout husband Stan), Scouse binman Eddie Yeats, playboy Mike Baldwin, prissy Mavis Wilton (and her self-righteous hubby Derek), smarmy Reg Holdsworth, Fred "Ah say Fred" Elliott...I could go on. Without a doubt we'll be adding the Duckworths, natural successors to the Ogdens, to that list. Until then, we'll just savour every single second Liz Dawn is onscreen as the legendary Vera Duckworth.
Today I am mostly lovin' - Old tapes. I watched one last night and, to my delight, I'd taped a commercial break which included the classic Levis 501 advert with Nick Kamen. Cool surprise!
Today I am mostly hatin' - The worst thing ever about VCRs: a casette got stuck in the machine thanks to copious amounts of tape taking a fancy to the video head drum.
MSN Editor Coops 8月3日 Unexpected ExitsThe unexpected death of EastEnders' Mike Reid came as a shock. We weren't put on notice; there were no reports of a life-threatening illness and he appeared to be in the best of health. Out of the blue - breaking news. Goodbye to Frank Butcher. It got me thinking about deaths that made an impression on me, for some reason or another.
The first star death I recall was Elvis Presley's. I was a little girl, but somehow I knew this was a significant moment. I watched every news bulletin (I'm pretty sure Reginald Bosanquet announced between the News At Ten bongs: "The King of rock n roll is dead" - Elvis fans, feel free to correct me if I'm wrong) and listened to Radio 1's day-long tribute ( Elvis records all day). I vividly remember tears; it just seemed as if the whole world was crying...
Another death that affected me was Richard Beckinsale's. The comedy actor, star of The Lovers and Porridge, died in his sleep in 1979 from a massive heart attack. He was only 32. I'd grown used to hearing about old people dying of heart attacks; seeing the pictures of a young Richard Beckinsale accompanying the news of his death was a shock. Such a likeable man too.
I was in primary school when John Lennon was murdered in 1980. Parents and teachers were stunned - they couldn't believe a Beatle had been assassinated. At that time, I didn't know the names of the band members, but I'd seen clips of The Beatles; I liked their hair and I knew some of the songs. Why would anyone want to kill a Beatle? I couldn't understand it. Once again, Radio 1 paid full tribute to someone the planet was mourning.
In 1984, our family was watching ITV's variety show, Live From Her Majesty's. Comedian Tommy 'just like that' Cooper had us all in stitches. And then he dropped to the ground. Just like the live audience, we laughed even harder. We thought we'd seen a part of his act, but in actuality, he'd collapsed from a massive heart attack. In front of millions of viewers. When the news finally broke, we were astounded.
I'll share just one more with you. Unless you were around at the time, it's impossible to convey the impact entertainer Rod Hull made with his Emu puppet in the 1970s and 1980s. In 1999, a freak accident killed him; he fell off his roof adjusting the TV aerial during the Man Utd v Inter Milan game. United won the Treble that season...
Today I am mostly lovin' - Paramount Comedy Channel's The Secret Life of Hoodies. Very funny.
Today I am mostly hatin' - The Jeremy Kyle Show. Chav TV for the masses.
MSN Editor Coops
8月2日 Doctor...Who?My advice to fans of Doctor Who? Get used to the actor chosen to play the Time Lord quitting after a series or two. Long gone are the days of Jon Pertwee (1970–1974) and the longest serving Doctor (and, most still say, the best) Tom Baker (1974–1981); actors who stayed in the role longer than yer average Hollywood marriage. Now, courtesy of The Sun, we hear that David Tennant will soon hand the keys to the TARDIS over to someone else.
Unbelievable as it may seem, not only is the star of the show rumoured to be off, but writer/executive producer Russell T Davies is likely to leave after next year's fourth series too. Who fills their shoes? Well, Steven Moffat is a possibility in terms of taking over from Russell T Davies. Not a bad choice as he's written some very good episodes including: Blink, The Empty Child and The Girl In The Fireplace.
But the whisper is that the actor being lined up as the new Doctor Who is...wait for it...James Nesbitt. Yes, James Nesbitt. That's right, the Cold Feet star. Yep, that's him, the geezer from the Yellow Pages ads. Do we likey? I spoke to Whovian Simon Ward, currently working on MSN Money, and he is aghast at the news. "Too gritty and too hard for me" he says. "The Doctor presents a very human side and I just can't see James Nesbitt projecting that." I ask him who he'd like to see instead. The answer may surprise you: "I think it's time for a female Doctor Who. Russell T Davies has taken the show forward and there isn't as much baggage to contend with. There's a new audience who wouldn't blink at the scenario of a woman. In an ideal world, I'd have Maggie Gyllenhaal as the new Doctor. But not James Nesbitt."
So, who's your choice to take over from David Tennant? Is it time for a woman? Share your views here.
Today I am mostly lovin' - The news that Channel 4 is dropping all its premium rate phone-ins. Let's hope it's the end of those rip-off late night premium rate TV quiz shows. They do not belong on terrestrial TV. ITV and Five - take note.
Today I am mostly hatin' - Big Brother's Big Mouth without Russell Brand. He really made that show 'citin'.
MSN Editor Coops 8月1日 July MailbagHello all, I'm really looking forward to more sunshine and episodes of Heroes (in that order), but on the first of the month, my blog entry will be about looking back. I've perused all the feedback and mail sent in during July. Here's what you've been saying... First up, Channel 4's Gay Season. To mark the 40th anniversary of 1967's Homosexual Reform Act, Channel 4 screened dramas and documentaries revolving around gay issues. I reviewed some of the programmes here, including Clapham Junction and A Very British Scandal. I received the following email from one user: "I was absolutely disgusted by what I saw in Clapham Junction. I had to turn it off. It was a load of rubbish and it seemed to encourage paedophilia. The whole gay thing was just revolting."
And here on my blog, I received this comment:
"(no name) - Its wrong and you know it god help you all SICK."
With regard to the first comment, I wasn't entirely happy with the resulting drama either. I outlined my view here. I wouldn't say, "it was a load of rubbish", but it certainly didn't live up to expectations. Yes, the storyline revolving around the 14-year-old boy was one of its most controversial elements and it didn't make for comfortable viewing. I think writer Kevin Elyot set out to be thought-provoking and encourage debate and at the very least, he's accomplished that. As for the statement about "the gay thing" being "revolting" - it's a drama about gay people. Nuff said.
I have already answered the second comment, but I will repeat what I said again - live and let live. No way am I gonna slate people for their sexual preferences unless it involves rape, children or animals.
A feature I put together on the Best US shows ever provoked debate over at the Telly Talk message board. Twenty of Uncle Sam's finest were showcased including Friends, The Sopranos, Sex And The City, Cheers, Frasier, CSI and Dallas. Some users were quick to point out one particular show they felt I'd wrongly omitted:
stubbsy: "Errr... what about Buffy the Vampire Slayer?!?"
Nickolai: "Buffy The Vampire Slayer and Angel should definitely be in there. Buffy had such an influential impact on TV. A lot of shows were spawned as a result."
mytribble: "The above are all correct, not mentioning Buffy the Vampire Slayer is ridiculous. Best television for years and sadly missed. Silly name put a lot of people off but its use of metaphor and symbolism telling stories on many levels set it a cut above most other shows."
Guys, that's the problem with doing these lists. There simply isn't room for every show. Looking back at my gallery, I'm also kicking myself for missing out M.A.S.H. and if I had to make room for anything, it would be that series first. However, please continue the debate in this thread and show me the error of my ways - as Dr Frasier Crane often said, I'm listening.
That's it for this month as far as the mailbag is concerned; keep your comments, feedback and suggestions coming in.
MSN Editor Coops 7月26日 Brothers And Sisters - YawnIs anyone watching Channel 4's latest US import Brothers And Sisters? One look at its ratings, which have fallen to around the million mark, would indicate that we're not. I sat through the first episode, although I needed ten gallons of coffee in order to do so. What a self-reverential yawner of a drama. It has good solid writing and an impressive cast (barring Calista Flockhart who I can't stand), but for some reason it simply isn't catching on.
This isn't the show that gets our office buzzing with animated chatter and I do wonder how long Channel 4 will persevere with it. There is a silver lining though and that's Rob Lowe. Ever since his astounding rebirth via mighty performances on The West Wing, he's proved that there's more to him than just a (very) pretty face. If he can do for Brothers And Sisters what Robert Downey Jr did for Ally McBeal, all is not lost.
Who am I kidding though? When it comes to family dramas, there's still only one show doing it for me: get a load of UKTV Gold's daily Dallas repeats. Ignore the atrocious 80s fashion (at Lucy's wedding, Sue Ellen's shoulder-padded dress was wider than the wingspan of an aeroplane) and just savour the cast (Larry Hagman - give that man a medal), the performances and the script (yes, it really was good in the first few years). Brothers And Sisters has got a long way to go before it can rival an ounce of the intensity in JR and 'Swellin's marriage...
Today I am mostly lovin' - Heroes. Quality television.
Today I am mostly hatin' - The Mitchell Sisters. Puhleeez. 7月23日 Channel 4's Gay SeasonThis weekend, part of my TV viewing revolved around Channel 4's Gay Season. In 1967, the Homosexual Reform Act was passed, decriminalising homosexual acts in private between two adult men aged 21 and over in England and Wales. To mark the 40th anniversary, dramas and documentaries revolving around gay issues are being screened.
A Very British Sex Scandal kicked off the season, and what a moving viewing experience this turned out to be. In January 1954, Peter Wildeblood, the newly-appointed diplomatic correspondent of the Daily Mail, was arrested for homosexual offences. His crime? Having consensual sex with an adult male. Back then, it was against the law. Alongside him in the dock were Lord Montagu of Beaulieu, a 28-year-old aristocratic socialite, and Michael Pitt-Rivers. All three ended up serving time in prison. Set against the backdrop of the famous Wolfenden Committee (their resulting Report paved the way for decriminalisation), this high society court case scandalised and electrified the nation, but it also changed the course of British history.
Using a combination of period dramatisation and real-life testimony from gay men who lived through that era, the film graphically conveyed the reality and consequences of being gay at a time when it was illegal and, in addition, believed to be a contagious disease or a perversion that could be cured with electric shock treatment or a lobotomy. Wildeblood's story was sympathetically recounted, but it was the little everyday details from the contributors that struck home more powerfully: anonymous sex (no names given) to avoid blackmail and reduce the risk of getting caught; burning mementoes and love letters so that they wouldn't be found by family or the police; getting snared by 'agents provocateurs', undercover officers acting as gay men; the joy (still so apparent after all these years) one couple felt at an aspect of the Act's passing; they could finally throw out their single beds and buy a double one together. Very poignant.
Conversely, Clapham Junction was a mixed experience. A much-hyped drama from writer Kevin Elyot, it's the centrepiece of Channel 4's Gay Season. A one-off contemporary drama of interweaving stories involving several gay men, it depicted the closet, discrimination, prejudice and violence. We all know that there are still gay men struggling with their identity, gay men who get assaulted, gay men who constantly have to deal with homophobia, but where were the positive gay stories? Even one would've been welcome. And considering that this was called 'Clapham Junction' and not 'Isle Of Skye' - where were all the ethnic minorities?
Despite impressive performances from a sterling cast (including former EastEnder Paul Nicholls and Maurice stars James Wilby and Rupert Graves), the writing was clichéd and weak in places. Some of the characters sorely lacked depth, consequently, not all the elements worked. It made for disjointed, frustrating viewing. What's more, it put me in mind me of a 1970s 'BBC Play For Today' rather than a dynamic Channel 4 noughties offering. Above the stereotypical 'gays as sexual predators' and 'gays as hedonistic druggies', two strands stood out: the queer basher played by Paul Nicholls (was he a self-loathing gay man?) and the 14-year-old boy who seduced his 29-year-old neighbour (was he a convicted paedophile?). Both of these elements were graphic, disturbing and thought-provoking. Shame about the rest of it.
Finally, something that made my mouth drop so far on the floor, my tongue could've vacuumed the carpet. Jean Genet's 1950 film Un Chant d'Amour is only 26 minutes long. While Hollywood was making Father Of The Bride with Elizabeth Taylor and Spencer Tracy, Genet told an erotic story about a voyeuristic, sadistic prison guard who spies on his sexually frustrated inmates, even when they masturbate. Amongst them, two men unable to consummate their love who express it via other means: sharing cigarette smoke via a straw poked through a hole, knocking on the wall to each other etc. Unbelievably beautiful imagery.
Talking of which, we're so used to the camera lingering on women's breasts and hips that Un Chant d'Amour's celebration of the male body and male sexuality is an eye-opener: stroked and fondled semi erect penises, ripped torsos, bulging biceps all filmed in stunning close-ups and soft lighting. A silent film made in black and white, it was so far ahead of its time that it still has the power to astound today. Poetic, lyrical and unforgettable.
Today I am mostly lovin' - Corrie legend Vera Duckworth. I'll cherish every appearance until she goes.
Today I am mostly hatin' - The fact that I didn't win the lottery. 7月20日 Trash TVChannel hopping can be an eye-popping experience these days as you're never quite sure what you'll find out there in TV land. A couple of days ago, I zapped and landed on Flavor Flav, the clock-wearing showman of controversial rap group Public Enemy. Currently on MTV UK in a dating reality series, he's the wealthy bachelor looking for love. Now admittedly, I didn't see the original pool of 20 females, but the final three bursting out of their dresses looked like a bevy of yer typical rap video hootchie hos. The names the women go by include: Bootz, Buckeey, Buckwild, Krazy, Like Dat, Saaphyri and Toastee. Considering that their prize is Flavor Flav, this is obviously a match made in heaven.
During the commercial break, a promo ran for Totally Jodie Marsh. The tabloid favourite is scouring the nation for a hubby. As sick and tired of the single life as we are of her, the Tango-tastic Essex girl hopes to find her very own Prince Charming. There's something so right about Jodie Marsh resorting to a tacky reality show, with contestants pooled from the general public no less, in order to find love. If there's one house I'd beg and plead to sit down and watch this in, it's the home of the Andres. Oh to see Jordan's (no doubt smug) face as she watches her desperate rival.
Not so long ago, I stopped the remote on Living 2's US import Maury. Now that Jenny Jones is no more (remember her?), veteran broadcaster Maury Povich has taken her crown for fronting the tackiest, trashiest talk show on TV. "What about Jerry Springer?" I hear some of you cry. That programme doesn't count because it descended into self-parody yonks ago. And Jerry knows it too. It's all about Maury now. "So what about Jeremy Kyle/Trisha?" Puhleez. I'm not even going there.
Back to Maury and there's absolutely nothing I can say that South Park hasn't said for me. If you've seen the episode Freak Strike, you'll know that South Park served Maury on a platter; it was satire with a capital S. Cartman dressed as a girl and pretended to be an out of control kid in order to get a gift from Maury. "Whatever! I do what I want!" he frequently yelled at the audience. However, he was bested by a four-month-old baby girl named Chantal who took her clothes off in front of everybody. Genius stuff.
Today I am mostly lovin' - The BBC for buying Heroes. No more annoying adverts!
Today I am mostly hatin' - Black actors who can't do Jamaican accents - you know who you are (anyone watch The Bill and EastEnders yesterday?). They make my ears bleed. 7月18日 Ofcom States The ObviousRemember the Richard and Judy 'You Say We Pay' fiasco (viewers were still asked to ring in despite a winner already being chosen)? Do you recall Panorama exposing the way some GMTV competitions were run (potential winners were short-listed before phone lines closed, meaning some callers never had the chance of getting through)?
Let's not forget our beloved Blue Peter - Blue bloody Peter, of all shows! - faking a competition result, earning the BBC a huge fine. Who remembers the shock when it was first revealed that Five's Brainteaser show had also faked winners? How about the phone-in controversy prompted by ITV play? The competitions came under fire for being almost impossible to solve. One asked viewers to name items found in a woman's handbag and the answers included a balaclava and rawlplugs. Oh yeah, forget lipstick and perfume 'cos yer average WAG wouldn't be seen dead without her balaclava and rawlplugs. Definitely two things I never leave the house without.
These phone-in scandals, and so many more besides, prompted media regulator Ofcom to launch an enquiry. They concluded that there has been a "systemic failure" in the way TV channels have run premium rate phone services. Well, duh.
Ofcom also accused broadcasters of being "in denial" about their responsibilities to viewers. Probably because they were blinded by the revenue the phone-ins brought in. The Ofcom inquiry, which was led by Richard Ayre, concluded that broadcasters must be made directly responsible for using premium rate phonelines despite services often being handled by outside companies.
Despite my smugness at the fact that I am not a victim (I have never phoned, and will never phone, a premium rate quiz show/competition. I do not vote people off Big Brother or into the next round of The X Factor either), millions of people put their trust, and their money, into the channels concerned. If these premium line phone-in entrants want to waste their time and their money, that's their choice. But at the very least, they should not have to deal with duplicity.
One of the great ironies of all of this is GMTV's exposure by Panorama. Despite peppering the show with numerous premium rate competitions, they still love positioning themselves as the champion of the consumer. I really wish people wouldn't enter rip-off TV competitions and I pray for the day annoying quiz shows, which are a piss-poor excuse for entertainment, are dropped. I never thought I'd miss the phrase: "Answers on a postcard please" as much as I now do...
Today I am mostly lovin' - Brian. For his hilarious Diary Room chat with a 'depressed' Big Brother
Today I am mostly hatin' - Daytime TV. No wonder so many people are on Prozac. 7月16日 Little Britain Gets A Yank-OverMatt Lucas and David Walliams are to make a US version of Little Britain for HBO. The channel is home to The Sopranos, Sex And The City, Six Feet Under and Entourage; it has also showcased British hits Extras and Da Ali G Show. Thanks to BBC America, the original series of Little Britain has been a cult hit in the US where it has enjoyed a healthy gay following in particular.
Little Britain US (not the name it will go by) will feature a mix of brand new characters and Little Britain favourites such as "yeah but no but" chav teenager Vicky Pollard and "only gay in the village" Daffyd. David Walliams said: "The new series will be a sketch show set in contemporary America. We are taking some existing characters and writing new material for them, as well as introducing new characters and ideas."
News of a US version is a bit of a surprise considering the visual nature of some of the humour and sketches. Off the top of my head there's: rubbish transvestite Edward 'Emily' Howard, the Prime Minister's smitten aide Sebastian Love, unhelpful Carol "computer says no" Beer, Maggie the vomiting racist and homophobe, kind carer Lou and manipulative wheelchair-bound Andy, grand-MILF youngster Jason (sexually obsessed with his mate Gary's grandmother)...are these characterisations really so alien to the country that gave us Jerry Springer and his infamous episode 'I Married A Horse'?
Still, I hope we Brits get a chance to see the new show. I'd like to know what Matt Lucas and David Walliams come up with for our cousins across the pond. Let me know if you think a US version of Little Britain will work.
Today I am mostly lovin' - Catch-ups. I missed FX's hot new drama Dexter on Sunday night. However, I have at least 3 more chances to catch the second episode this week. Bliss.
Today I am mostly hatin' - Saturday night on terrestrial TV. It's enough to make you lose your will to live. 7月12日 It Shouldn't Be A-LoudIn addition to terrestrial channels, I regularly watch the following: The Biography Channel; E4 (Big Brother, Scrubs, Friends); More4 (The West Wing, Hill Street Blues, ER, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Father Ted, River Cottage, F Word, Come Dine With Me); ITV2 (Judge Judy, Katie & Peter); Living (CSI, Wonder Woman, I Dream Of Jeannie, The Golden Girls); Paramount Comedy (Sex & The City, Cheers, Frasier, South Park, Short Cuts); The Hallmark Channel (House); MTV (South Park); BBC3 (Family Guy); Sci Fi (Heroes, Star Trek, The Twilight Zone, V); Sky Movies; Film4; TCM; UKTV Gold (Dallas); FX (Dexter, Family Guy); E! Entertainment; UKTV Drama (Butterflies, Steptoe And Son, Just Good Friends); UKTV G2 (Classic Top Of The Pops); Five US (Happy Days, House, CSI, Dirt); ITV4 (The Professionals, Planet Of The Apes, Randall And Hopkirk (Deceased); Men & Motors (Miami Vice) and finally, ITV3 (Columbo, Tales Of The Unexpected).
The more discerning may have noticed that Sky One is missing from my list. I am a Virgin Media subscriber and because of a row with Sky over the price of their basic channels, a row that has seen both media giants display all the maturity of a two-day old baby, we Virgin Media subscribers are without said channels. But that's for another blog entry...
Anyway, with a few exceptions, the channels above share one extremely annoying trait: BLOODY LOUD ADVERTS!! Every day I set my video (yes, I am still stuck in the 90s) to record Dallas on UKTV Gold, and the difference in sound between the programme and the commercial breaks has to be heard to be believed. It's loud enough to wake the dead. Not the recently deceased, I'm talking Plato and Aristotle here. And why is it that no matter how quickly I reach for the remote control, I'm never in time to mute the promo for UKTV Gold's much-hyped new sitcom 'The New Adventures of Old Christine'?
Why must we be subjected to this? WHY? There are laws to prevent neighbours from being a nuisance, but advertisers and TV channels get away with abusing our ears every 15 mins. The Television Advertising Standards Code contains this rule: "Advertisements must not be excessively noisy or strident. Studio transmission power must not be increased from normal levels during advertising breaks." The accompanying note to the Rule advises that: "A fairly constant average level of sound energy should be maintained in transitions from programmes to advertising breaks and vice versa so that listeners do not need to adjust the volume." HAH! They might as well have printed it in Swahili for all the notice anyone takes of it (yes, I mean you Paramount Comedy Channel and UKTV).
I can complain to Ofcom of course, but isn't this a question of common sense? I fail to see how annoyingly loud adverts can possibly benefit the advertiser or channel concerned. Invariably, viewers are driven to mute the commercial break or turn to the BBC for 5 mins. Either way, the message in the advert will not be heard. A rather fitting irony...
Today I am mostly lovin' - An old video tape that I didn't even know I had. It's got an episode of Grange Hill spin off Tucker's Luck on it.
Today I am mostly hatin' - TV quiz phone-in shows. What a rip-off. Don't call in! Hopefully they'll all die horrible deaths eventually.
MSN Editor Coops 7月11日 Big Brother's Big YawnerThe next time Davina McCall squeaks excitedly about a must-see Big Brother twist, take that as your cue to go and do something more interesting instead: like collecting paperclips or bookbinding. The sad truth is that, like last year, the people working on one of the UK's biggest reality shows, couldn't organise an orgy in a brothel containing 100 nubile Marilyn Monroe look-alikes.
A case in point, one element of Big Brother 8's much-trumpeted Fake Week is over: false housemate Pauline (Pooooohline), played by actress Thaila Zucchi, has left the house. She was exposed. Rumbled. Found out. And by a set of housemates who, with a couple of exceptions, have the intelligence of a goldfish. How embarrassing is that? I'd love to be at her next audition: "Thaila, what was your last part?" "I played a fake Australian housemate in Big Brother 8's Fake Week. I had to convince the housemates that I was genuine." "How long did you last?" "Two days."
Even if you allow for the possibility that, as the shopping task, Big Brother didn't intend for Pooooohline to go the distance, this is still a huge let-down after all the hype that preceded it. Remember that feeling of high anticipation after Laura's eviction show? She was just starting to stir things up in there too: adding the green-eyed monster to the wearisome toxic 'showmance' between Chanelle and Ziggy (Chiggy); flirting with both Durham's favourite plank Liam and endearingly-blank Essex boy Brian, messing with the single brain cell rattling around in each of their heads; allowing us to use our Dulux paint colour cards to chart the shades of Charley's increasingly brown nose (it had been rooted up Pooooohline's bum since her arrival). For the record, her hooter matched Dulux's Bitter Chocolate 2.
If nothing else, at least Big Brother has been consistently useless. It's not as if they didn't warn us with the very first pointless twist (one lone male in an oestrogen-filled house) - it's just that we didn't believe the stupidity would be so brilliantly sustained. Another damp squib of a twist that also spectacularly backfired was the 'surprise' cash giveaway. Nominated housemates Jonathan, Carole and Seany had one minute to pick someone to win £100,000 and they all chose Durham's favourite plank Liam. The twist? Housemates believe his money has replaced the prize given to the series winner. The hoped-for reaction? Conflict, confrontation and confusion. The reality? Lead balloon. Like Davina's BBC chat show, a resounding flop.
One senses that Fake Week is just about a last throw of the dice for this series. Although not the turgid bore that Big Brother 7 was (Snoozy Susie anyone?), the show is still a million miles away from its glory year of 2004 which saw Nadia Almada emerge as the winner of Big Brother 5, the year Big Brother turned 'Evil'. Truth is, Big Brother 8 has become background noise; the telly's on while the dishes are being washed or the internet is being surfed. For this reason, the second part of Fake Week, the fake eviction, must be a success. Charley and Nicky are nominated and the 'loser' will go straight back into the house after being interviewed by Davina McCall. If nothing else, at least Fake Week kept Charley in, and as a result, viewers watching what would otherwise be a very Big Yawner. A lot hinges on Friday for the people behind Big Brother; if it's a disaster, all Fake Week would've done is made Big Charley's of them all.
Got a view on Big Brother 8's twists? Are you still watching avidly watching the show, or have you given up? Share your views here and check out our fab Big Brother coverage. Today I am mostly lovin' - Big Brother 8's Brian. Soooo nice but dim. "Happy Birthday Brian!" "Happy Birthday Big Brother!" Genius. Today I am mostly hatin' - Chiggy's 'showmance'. Slamming my tongue in a door would be less painful. MSN Editor Coops
7月10日 Thanks, But No PranksA bit of an own goal for Manchester United and England defender Rio Ferdinand as his ITV show All-Star Wind-Ups has been axed. For viewers that displayed extraordinarily good judgement and avoided it like the plague, it was as near to a pitiful rip-off of MTV's Punk'd as it's possible to get. Only, they had bigger stars, better pranks and an aesthetically pleasing host in Ashton Kutcher.
We were first introduced to the All-Star Wind-Ups concept during last year's World Cup. The prank? Rio trying to convince Wayne Rooney that his dog was dead, although it wasn't really. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. There's more imagination to 'Knock Down Ginger'.
The show got off to a poor start after Jayne Middlemiss was trapped in a lift - she required medical attention because she suffers from claustrophobia. It was downhill from there. In addition to stunts going wrong, there's the little matter of the presenter. The ITV bod who gave this rubbish the green-light can't have seen a post-match Rio interview. If so, it would've been apparent that the man can barely form a sentence, let alone communicate one. And he has about as much charisma as a tin of sago pudding. It was doomed from the start. Still, one less minging programme clogging up the TV schedules is fine by me. However, it got me thinking about other TV shows footballers would be useless at hosting: David Beckham - Mastermind; Wayne Rooney - How To Look Good Naked and Ashley Cole - Deal Or No Deal. Any other suggestions? Send them in...
Today I am mostly lovin' - UKTV Gold's Dallas re-runs. JR Ewing has just been shot. "'Citin'!" as Russell Brand would say.
Today I am mostly hatin' - That bloomin' freshener advert with the precocious kid on the toilet crying: "It's all gawn! It's all gawn!" Fer Pete's sake, bugger off!
MSN Editor Coops |
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